:: How Prophet Muhammad handled Criticism ::

How Prophet Muhammad Handled Criticism

By Heather Shaw

The Prophet responded to all criticism as if it was constructive.

Criticism can be tough to deal with for even the most humble of people, particularly if it is unfair or lacking in tact. Like a knife, it often causes deep, festering wounds and divides the closest of friends.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), however, was exemplary in his ability not only to accept criticism humbly, but moreover, to use it to achieve positive results.

One day, a Jewish rabbi, Zaid ibn Sanah, came to demand the payment of a debt that the Prophet owed him. He violently pulled the Prophet's cloak from his shoulder and addressed him rudely, saying: "You, son of Abdul-Muttalib, are dilly-dallying."

Umar ibn Al-Khattab, one of the Prophet's Companions, was incensed by this and reproached Zaid saying: "O Enemy of Allah, do you talk to the Messenger of Allah and behave towards him in this manner?! By the One who sent him with the truth, had it not been for the fear of missing Paradise, I would have beheaded you with my sword!"

The Prophet, however, kept smiling and said to Umar: "This man is entitled to better treatment from you. You ought to have advised me to repay the loan promptly and asked him to make his demand politely."

He would never become angry for his own sake; rather he would only become angry for the sake of Allah if one of Allah's limits had been transgressed.

Then, turning to Zaid, the Prophet said: "There are still three days before the appointed time for repayment." At the same time, he asked Umar to repay the loan and give Zaid 20 measures in excess of that which was owed to compensate for his threatening attitude towards Zaid.

In this incident, the Prophet Muhammad showed no defensiveness. In fact, it was known about him that he would never become angry for his own sake; rather he would only become angry for the sake of Allah if one of Allah's limits had been transgressed.

Aishah, the Prophet's wife said: "The Prophet never took revenge for himself unless the honor of Allah was violated. Then he would take revenge for the sake of Allah." (Al-Bukhari)

By not allowing the issue to become personal, he was able to rationally evaluate the criticism and affirm his responsibility for paying back the debt in a timely manner. Even though he was not late in paying back the debt, his reaction not only resolved the issue, but it also achieved a result that would have never been achieved, had he reacted defensively.

When Umar went to Zaid to repay the debt and the compensation, Zaid asked, "What is this?" Umar responded: "The Messenger of Allah ordered me to pay it to you because I frightened you."

Umar then asked him what had made him speak to the Prophet in such a manner. Zaid answered, "O Umar, I had seen all the signs of prophethood in the face of the Messenger of Allah except two: that his patience precedes his ignorance and that the harsher you are towards him, the kinder and more patient he becomes. I have now seen these two signs and I hold you, O Umar, as witness that I accept that there is no true God worthy of being worshipped except Allah alone, my religion is Islam, and Muhammad is His Messenger. I also hold you as a witness that half of my wealth — and I am among the wealthiest people in Madinah — I give for the sake of Allah to the entire community of Muslims." (Al-Haythami)

In another incident, after a battle, the Prophet started distributing the booty among the people. The first to receive booty and the ones who obtained the greatest number of shares were the people who had recently embraced Islam.

As soon as he had given the new converts, Prophet Muhammad ordered Zaid ibn Thabit to fetch the booty and summon people. Then he designated the shares that would be given to the people.

This distribution was carried out according to a wise policy. However, not everyone recognized and appreciated this. Some of the people of Madinah started objecting to the shares they were allotted.

The complaints began to take the form of accusations until Saad ibn Ubadah went to the Prophet and said: "O Messenger of Allah, this group of the Ansar (the people of Madinah) are upset regarding the distribution of the booty. You have allotted shares to your own kinsmen and given many gifts to the Arab tribes, leaving the Ansar with nothing."

The Prophet asked Saad: "O Saad, what do you think?"

Saad replied: "O Messenger of Allah, you know that I am just a member of this group."

The Prophet said to him: "Bring your people to me."

Rather than chastising them for doubting his justice in distributing the booty, he realized their human need to understand the reasons behind his actions.

At this point, one might have expected the Prophet to reproach them for having doubted his justice in distributing the booty, or to chastise them for their bad assumptions about him. Instead, when the people had gathered, Prophet Muhammad faced them and he thanked and praised Allah. Then he said to them: "I have been told that you are angry with me. Didn't I come to you when you were astray and Allah guided you? You were poor and Allah gave you wealth. Weren't you foes and Allah made you love one another?"

"Yes," they answered, "Allah and His Messenger are better and more gracious."

Then he said, "What prevents you from replying to the Messenger of Allah, O Ansar?"

They said: "What should be the reply, O Messenger of Allah, while to the Lord and to his Messenger belong all benevolence and grace."

The Prophet said: "By Allah, I would have testified to the truth of your answer if you had answered: 'You came to us belied and rejected and we accepted you; you came to us in a state of helplessness and we helped you; a fugitive, and we took you in; poor and we comforted you.'

"O people of Al-Ansar, do you feel desirous for the things of this world by which I have sought to incline these people unto the Faith in which you are already established?

"Are you not satisfied, O people of Al-Ansar that the people will leave with ewes and camels, while you will go back with the Messenger of Allah to your dwellings?

"By Him in Whose Hand is my life, had there been no migration, I would have been one of the people of al-Ansar. If all the people would go through a valley and path, while the people of Al-Ansar were going through a different valley and path, I would go through the valley and take the path of the people of Al-Ansar.

"O Allah! Have mercy on the people of Al-Ansar, their children, and their children’s children."

The people wept until tears rolled down their beards as they said: "Yes, we are satisfied, O Prophet of Allah with our lot and share!"

Being a prophet, he owed no explanation to anyone, however, his foresight and compassion guided his manner of addressing the situation.

Rather than chastising them for doubting his justice in distributing the booty, he realized their human need to understand the reasons behind his actions, and he understood the true underlying cause for their anger which is their feeling of rejection.

Although on the surface it appeared that the reason for their criticism was the inequality in the distribution of the spoils, the Prophet assumed the best of his Companions and realized that they needed reassurance of his love and care for them, and not that they actually believed that he was unjust.

Muslims today can benefit from the example of the Prophet in his manner of dealing with criticism. His manner teaches us to always assume the best, be humble in all situations, and only become angry for the sake of Allah.

Likewise, it is important to understand the person who is criticizing, in order to separate the message from the means of expression. Then, the issue should be rationally evaluated. If it appears that the criticism is valid, the person who is being criticized should do his best to resolve the issue; if not, he should calmly explain his point of view, while expressing his understanding and appreciation for the other party's concern.

Truly the example of the Prophet is the best example that we should strive to emulate.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Heather Shaw is an American convert to Islam. Currently she resides in Egypt where she is a professional translator and part time teacher of Islamic and Arabic studies. She obtained her B.A. in Arabic language and Islamic studies from Al-Azhar University and is currently pursuing her M.A. in Codicology. The books she has translated include works on Islamic family law, tolerance in Islam, Hadith, Islamic Jurisprudence, and Quranic Exegesis.

:: Works of the Almighty ::

Chilean Quake May Have Shortened Earth Days

03.01.10

The Feb. 27 magnitude 8.8 earthquake in Chile may have shortened the length of each Earth day.

JPL research scientist Richard Gross computed how Earth's rotation should have changed as a result of the Feb. 27 quake. Using a complex model, he and fellow scientists came up with a preliminary calculation that the quake should have shortened the length of an Earth day by about 1.26 microseconds (a microsecond is one millionth of a second).

Perhaps more impressive is how much the quake shifted Earth's axis. Gross calculates the quake should have moved Earth's figure axis (the axis about which Earth's mass is balanced) by 2.7 milliarcseconds (about 8 centimeters, or 3 inches). Earth’s figure axis is not the same as its north-south axis; they are offset by about 10 meters (about 33 feet).

By comparison, Gross said the same model estimated the 2004 magnitude 9.1 Sumatran earthquake should have shortened the length of day by 6.8 microseconds and shifted Earth's axis by 2.32 milliarcseconds (about 7 centimeters, or 2.76 inches).

Gross said that even though the Chilean earthquake is much smaller than the Sumatran quake, it is predicted to have changed the position of the figure axis by a bit more for two reasons. First, unlike the 2004 Sumatran earthquake, which was located near the equator, the 2010 Chilean earthquake was located in Earth's mid-latitudes, which makes it more effective in shifting Earth's figure axis. Second, the fault responsible for the 2010 Chiliean earthquake dips into Earth at a slightly steeper angle than does the fault responsible for the 2004 Sumatran earthquake. This makes the Chile fault more effective in moving Earth's mass vertically and hence more effective in shifting Earth's figure axis.

Gross said the Chile predictions will likely change as data on the quake are further refined.

Alan Buis

alan.buis@jpl.nasa.gov

:: Backhome Culture and Islam ::

:: Prophet Muhammad's Communication Skills Part 3 ::

Don't Hate… Educate

Prophet Muhammad's Communication Skills

By Sahar El-Nadi
Consultant and Writer

Wherever there is diversity, there has to be differences. Each of us is an individual with a unique mixture of convictions, so there are as many thoughts, emotions, and goals as there are people in this world.

Consequently, it's unfair to expect others to be copies of ourselves, with identical hearts and minds. Unrealistic expectations of uniformity result in condemning diversity as a source of conflict, while overlooking its precious value as a source of enrichment.

In such a negative mindset, being "different" becomes synonymous with being "harmful", which is a serious barrier to effective communication.

The Quran offers a golden rule for people of different backgrounds to communicate, using diversity for enlightenment rather than conflict:

"O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise (each other)." [49:13]

Assuming that all Spaniards are bull-fighters or that all Italians are opera singers is called stereotyping.

From a communication perspective, in order for people to genuinely "know" one another they need to start contact with each other on a positive note without pre-conceived hostilities.

They need to resist the tendency to make collective, hasty judgments of others based on generalized negative ideas.

This is called stereotyping. For example, assuming that all Spaniards are bull-fighters or that all Italians are opera singers. When we do that, not only are we unjust to others, but we're also unjust to ourselves by blocking a precious source of learning through making assumptions, treating them as indisputable facts, refusing to see past them, and then taking decisions accordingly.

This is exactly what happens when some believe that all Muslims are terrorists, and others believe that all Westerners are heathens! Neither assumption is true.

As the Danish cartoons crisis raged in 2006, I wondered what Prophet Muhammad would do in a conflict situation? Based on his noble concepts of communication and conflict resolution, and on the Quranic verse above, I started a creative cross-cultural communication project called "Don't Hate, Educate!"

Communication Challenges

Conflicting convictions result from difference in age, gender, religion, education, culture.

Did you ever wonder what people fight about? Generally, conflicting convictions result from difference in age, gender, religion, education, culture, and so on, as well as difference in status and territorial rights.

The Prophet Muhammad faced very challenging communication situations filled with all those reasons for conflict. To begin with, he faced an extremely diverse audience who were often negative, so he had to combat hostility and suspicion insistently while remaining positive rather than defensive.

Moreover, he didn't choose the timing; he often found himself in very pressuring confrontational situations, which forced him to migrate to other people's territory and start a new community there with minimal resources.

Yet, in the face of all this adversity, he successfully changed deep-rooted negative convictions, and actually managed to weave a beautiful tapestry out of people who were so conflicting that they were constantly at war with each other. How can we benefit from his success today?

Judging From First Impressions

Educating about equality, tolerance and anger-management to downplay the effect of status was a smart move from the Prophet.

His strategy was to prevent conflict from occurring rather than wait for it to happen then start "fire fighting".

To do that, he gently and continuously educated about equality, tolerance and anger-management to downplay the exaggerated importance of status and territory versus equality and freedom.

He warned against the destructive effects of negative emotions, and promoted a calm rationale instead. He established the Islamic concept of freedom of expression by encouraging his companions to speak up if they thought someone was making a hasty emotional reaction, no one -including himself- was above being advised.

In fact, he praised wise advice to a fellow man in a critical situation as a great virtue, regardless of rank and status, as long as it's done respectfully. At the same time, he strongly condemned verbal abuse and public mockery of others as a grave sin.

When a confrontation occurred, he kept his calm in dealing with it using these same principles, even when he was personally and publicly attacked:

One day a Jew came to the mosque to demand repayment for some money Prophet Muhammad owed him, but he did so harshly and in public. Umar ibn Al-Khattab, one of the Prophet's companions, was angry at the Jew who insulted the Prophet and Umar menacingly drew his sword from its scabbard. But Prophet Muhammad calmed Umar saying: "I and he deserve better treatment, teach him to demand his money in a better way and advise me to repay it in a refined manner."(Ibn Hibban)

Following the resolution of a conflict, he never lingered on the negative feelings and never made generalized judgements based on single incidents. Instead, he focused on the lessons learnt and the new opportunities resulting from solving the problem. How many times do we allow one negative incident to pollute our thoughts about others forever?

The Repatriation Syndrome

Today, the integration of immigrants is a major problem in the West.

Modern psychology tells us that a person trying to adapt to a new environment suffers some intense symptoms including depression, loneliness, loss of sleep and appetite, and ultimately, inability to relate to others.

The problem is intensified if the original inhabitants treat the newcomers as "invaders to their territory" both literally and figuratively when it comes to accepting their new ideas and adapting to a new way of life.

Today, the integration of immigrants is a major problem in the West. Perhaps things may improve if this is seen as a communication situation that should be handled as an opportunity rather than a threat.

Particularly if the immigrants hadn't forcefully occupied someone's land, but merely accepted an invitation to join a new home. In such a situation, both guest and host are responsible for facilitating a healthy interaction and using it as a learning experience for both sides.

Prophet Muhammad faced a similar situation after leaving his home in Makkah to migrate to Madinah upon the invitation of its citizens. When he got there, some of his Companions — from the immigrants — were so homesick that they got physically ill.

The unity of society was at risk and needed an urgent solution, so he skillfully turned the painful longing into energy of hope through a set of social rules designed to forge solid bonds between citizens and immigrants. Perhaps we need to explore those precious lessons today.

Overcoming Status Barriers

Money, power, possessions, and physical beauty are the plagues of our materialistic world today. Because of them conflict occurs.

When we compare ourselves to glossy images on billboards and fail to acquire those exaggerated "status symbols" we start consciously envying and hating those who have them, and we even hate ourselves as unworthy failures. Such psychologically troubled individuals are not fit for healthy communication.

He sat anywhere in a gathering not in the center, he didn't select a status title, and refused that people stand up for him.

In contrast, Islam stresses equality, and teaches that preference is only based on good qualities in the heart, which only God can see.

Consequently we have no means and no rights to judge or evaluate ourselves, let alone others. So, we must deal justly and equally with all people and in all situation.

This golden rule is reflected in the behavior of the Prophet who taught that a smile is charity, even to strangers, and always used a person's favorite name to address him, even with enemies.

He sat anywhere in a gathering not in the center, he didn't select a status title, and refused that people stand up for him. He always allowed personal direct contact for both friends and foes. He used to clear a place opposite him for the guest and never pulled away from the conversation first, even when it got aggressive.

Someone once pulled the Prophet's cloak forcefully to get his attention, but the Prophet didn't respond with equal force, he merely ordered him firmly to let go, and the man did out of the sheer authority of the order.

He respected even the youngest or poorest until each one thought himself the most favored:

"The Prophet was offered water, and he drank from it. On his right side there was a boy and on his left side were some old men. He asked the boy "Do you mind if I offer the water to them?: The boy said "O Allah's Prophet! By Allah! I will not give up my right to drink for anyone (because I am sitting on the right side). The Prophet handed the water to the boy." (Al-Bukhari)

The situation is a bit of a dilemma, who should get the water — as a status symbol — a young boy or old men? The Prophet solved the problem through equality regardless of age or status.

Today we notice an increased rudeness and lack of tact in social relationships, particularly towards strangers. People often do what is best for themselves instead of doing what is right. All good communication starts with truly respecting the other by treating them politely and equally.

If we genuinely seek to know others, we must educate, allow ourselves to be educated, and stop the destructive hate.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Sahar Elnadi Holds a BA in ancient history and culture from Cairo University. Worked in many people-related careers in parallel, including presenting public events and TV programs; instructing training courses in communication, thinking skills and cross cultural issues.Long experience in the dynamics of multinational e-communities on the internet, with award winning online projects since 1998.

:: Raising up a child - starts right now! ::

:: My happily ever after ending in Paradise ::

Assalam Alaikum,

I couldn't thank Allah (SWT) enough for opening my heart to Him!

He has made me see things better and to make me take challenges with more strength!

Human beings are scary creature~ For some, they would tell you that they will stay with you through high and low and being a goodie, kind person, you believe them... But when circumstances turn good/bad, they abandon you, claiming that situations have changed and they are happier! And, to make matter worst, they have no concept of fear in Allah (SWT) though their names indicate that they should be fearful of Him!

What is it? =S

Alright, I am just complaining here...

Just a little heartache why I was such a silly one before... But I believe, Allah(SWT) is going to give me a better man for me! That was what Allah(SWT) mentioned to Prophet Muhammad's wives...

"When the Prophet disclosed a matter in confidence to one of his consorts, and she then divulged it (to another), and Allah made it known to him, he confirmed part thereof and repudiated a part. Then when he told her thereof, she said, "Who told thee this? "He said, "He told me Who knows and is well-acquainted (with all things)."

If ye two turn in repentance to Him, your hearts are indeed so inclined; But if ye back up each other against him, truly Allah is his Protector, and Gabriel, and (every) righteous one among those who believe,- and furthermore, the angels - will back (him) up.

It may be, if he divorced you (all), that Allah will give him in exchange consorts better than you,- who submit (their wills), who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allah in repentance, who worship (in humility), who travel (for Faith) and fast,- previously married or virgins."

( سورة التحريم , At-Tahrim, Chapter #66, Verse #5)

Now that I know there's a place for me in the hereafter, I pray hard that Allah (SWT) will give me a goodie husband who is just like me... Just like me, once decided, will just stick to the end and the promise will not be broken...

Our story will just be like those in fairytales... "And they live happily ever after... In Paradise!" Yay!!!

For now, I just need to pray pray pray~ Pray for me, okay? =D

And give glad tidings to those who believe and do righteous good deeds, that for them will be Gardens under which rivers flow (paradise). Every time they will be provided with a fruit therefrom, they will say: "This is what we were provided with before," and they will be given things in resemblance (i.e. in the same form but different in taste) and they shall have therein Azwajun Mutahharatun (purified mates or wives) and they will abide therein forever.

( سورة البقرة , Al-Baqara, Chapter #2, Verse #25)

W'salam,

Khadijah C.

:: Maher Zain - Open Your Eyes ::

:: Your riches and your children may be but a trial ::

Assalam Alaikum!!! =D

Sometimes, it's just spooky to read the Qur'an when it starts telling you the direct answer to your questions in mind immediately!

I posted an article previously and I was wondering how can a person get married and convert and no belief in the religion... Then, after I did my Asr prayer and read the Qur'an, I came upon this...

So, it is a test for that woman who reverted back to her original religion... haizZzz...

"Allah. There is no god but He: and on Allah, therefore, let the Believers put their trust. O ye who believe! Truly, among your wives and your children are (some that are) enemies to yourselves: so beware of them! But if ye forgive and overlook, and cover up (their faults), verily Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. Your riches and your children may be but a trial: but in the Presence of Allah, is the highest, Reward. So fear Allah as much as ye can; listen and obey and spend in charity for the benefit of your own soul and those saved from the covetousness of their own souls,- they are the ones that achieve prosperity. If ye loan to Allah, a beautiful loan, He will double it to your (credit), and He will grant you Forgiveness: for Allah is most Ready to appreciate (service), Most Forbearing,- Knower of what is open, Exalted in Might, Full of Wisdom."
[At-Taghabun 13-18]

W'salam,
Khadijah C.

:: Chinese Muslim allowed to revert ::

Assalam Alaikum~


This is indeed an upsetting story... A story of misusing religion for the wrong cause~ Hope one day, both of them will realise their mistakes~ And maybe if she were to turn to Allah (SWT), she would be given a better husband~ Oh well, not everyone is soOooo much taken care of like me! hee~

"Is he whose breast Allah has opened to Islam, so that he is in light from His Lord (as he who is a non-Muslim)? So woe to those whose hearts are hardened against remembrance of Allah! They are in plain error! "
( سورة الزمر , Az-Zumar, Chapter #39, Verse #22)

W'salam,
Khadijah C.





=================================
Muslim allowed to revert

Siti Fatimah Tan Abdullah, a 39-year-old originally named Tan Ean Huang, said she had never practised Islamic teachings since she converted in 1998 and only did so to enable her to marry her Iranian husband. Taken from: http://www.straitstimes.com/Breaking%2BNews/SE%2BAsia/Story/STIStory_350766.html

PENANG (Malaysia) - A MALAYSIAN Islamic court on Monday upheld an unusual decision allowing an ethnic Chinese woman to revert to her Buddhist faith, saying her conversion to Islam had never been valid.

Apostasy, or renouncing the faith, is one of the gravest sins in Islam and a highly sensitive issue in Malaysia where Islamic sharia courts have rarely allowed people to abandon the religion.

Siti Fatimah Tan Abdullah, a 39-year-old originally named Tan Ean Huang, said she had never practised Islamic teachings since she converted in 1998 and only did so to enable her to marry her Iranian husband.


The couple married in 2004 and she filed for renunciation after her husband left her, winning approval from a religious court last year in a decision appealed by the Islamic Religious Council in Penang state.


Penang's Sharia Appeal Court on Monday said Ms Tan could revert to Buddhism, but only because her conversion was not valid and done only for the sake of marriage.


'She has been living a non-Islamic lifestyle and praying to deities and this clearly shows she never embraced Islam,' said Ibrahim Lembut, one of a three-member panel of judges.


'The question of conversion does not arise because she never intended to become a Muslim in the first place.' Ms Tan welcomed the decision. 'I am very happy that this is finally over. It has been a long struggle,' she told reporters outside the court.


The Penang Islamic Religious Council also endorsed the ruling, which it said confirmed the status quo in Malaysia, where religious courts operate in parallel to civil courts.


'The original decision gave the impression that one could simply convert out of Islam. So now it is clear this is not the case,' its lawyer Ahmad Munawar Abdul Aziz told reporters.


'In this case, the court has made it clear that this was a unique case where her conversion itself was invalid,' he added. 'So this removes the fear among the Muslim community that conversions may be subject to review.' Islam is Malaysia's official religion and more than 60 per cent of the nation's 27 million people are Muslim Malays.


The country is also home to large ethnic Chinese and Indian communities who have complained of growing 'Islamisation' that is undermining their rights. -- AFP

:: Prophet Muhammad's Communication Skills Part 2 ::

Can You Listen With Your Eyes?

Prophet Muhammad's Communication Skills (Part 2)

By Sahar El-Nadi
Consultant and Writer

Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where awkward silence is the name of the game. Find out how to turn around this silence into a meaningful way of communicating with others through the Prophet's example.

In ancient Arabia, eloquence meant status. Arabic is a language rich in shades and shadows, and people competed to weave words with exquisite elegance and beautiful rhythm, skillfully shaping words into works of verbal art.

This is when Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was born. Although he was never taught to read and write, he had more linguistic skills than anyone.

These skills enabled him to transmit difficult concepts clearly, to all levels of audience, and in just a few words.

His wise sayings are called 'Hadith' (literally means 'speech' in Arabic) and they are collected in books and taught as timeless guidance to people around the world.

Yet when learning Hadith today, more attention is paid to the study of the exact words of the Prophet Muhammad, while overlooking an important fact which has to do with his use of many non-verbal communication skills to enhance the meanings of the words.

He had an exceptional ability to engage more of our senses than just our ears - even while we hear what he said hundreds of years ago.

Painting Mental Pictures With Words

It is important to open up to the positive change the Prophet's words cause in hearts and minds.

When we read Hadith, we will notice that the words draw vivid pictures in our minds, with sights, sounds, smells, and feelings. At the same time, the narrators used descriptive words to give us a complete three-dimensional snapshot of each event.

In this way we could actually 'see' in our minds-eye the complete surrounding context, in addition to exactly what the Prophet did with the rest of his body while he spoke.

Instinctively, narrators used their special skill with words to share with us what they saw, heard, felt, imagined and understood - which is how they had actually learnt and changed.

There is a precious lesson for us here: When learning from a unique teacher with exceptional communication skills, his audience have to also be trained to use all their senses to receive meanings and learn lessons.

That is why their behavior was transformed in just a few years to build a brilliant civilization. Perhaps we too need to do the same today, It's not enough to mechanically memorize and recite his sayings. What's more important is to open up to the positive change the Prophet's words cause in hearts and minds, and to follow through with practice.

Non-Verbal Cues Blow Your Cover

Only 30% of the meaning is transmitted through words.

Communication is about delivering a message to the audience, with maximum accuracy and minimum confusion. Taking in to account the correct interpretation of their response, which reflects their perception of the meaning. These basics are essential for exchanging ideas and feelings with others effectively.

Modern research states that successful communicators possess the ability to engage all the senses of their audiences, through using two types of skills in accurate measure.

The first type is the verbal skills, or the spoken language in writing and speech. The second type is the non-verbal skills, which express the 'unspoken' context of the words to give them their true meaning, including facial expressions, body language, and vocal qualities such as volume, pitch and speed.

Ironically, successful delivery of a message relies more on non-verbal skills which transmit at least 70% of the meaning, while only 30% is transmitted through words.

Moreover, when the spoken and the unspoken messages contradict, the human brain is programmed to believe the non-verbal cues. For example: if someone says to us: "how nice to see you" but says so with sarcasm, we subconsciously receive the sarcasm and not the seemingly courteous greeting.

The Art of Eloquent Silence

There are training courses to teach us how to interpret people's unconscious gestures, and at the same time consciously send positive non-verbal signals to others to enhance mutual understanding and encourage effective communication.

The Prophet's posture was always straight and alert to reflect confidence and strength.

Being the exceptional communicator he was, the Prophet Muhammad paid special attention to sending clear and consistent non-verbal messages all the time, even while he was completely silent.

He knew that most of his tradition will be transmitted verbally, so he spoke concisely and clearly, repeated every important idea 3 times. But in parallel, he used very strong vocal and gesture cues consistent with his words to enhance people's memorization of what he said to be able to repeat it to others.

His posture was always straight and alert to reflect confidence and strength, he walked briskly to reflect purposefulness, yet his face was always relaxed and peaceful with a poised smile inviting contact and trust.

He gave people his full attention by turning towards them with his whole torso not just his head, which made them feel important and appreciated.

When he got angry, he simply looked away from the person or the event to indicate his disapproval without saying a word.

In a gathering, he sat anywhere not in the center indicating equality, and he always allowed direct contact indicating approachability.

He never looked anyone too long in the face, and used his full palm to point at people instead of pointing his finger to avoid embarrassing them.

Nonetheless, we find the Quran gently rectifying his non-verbal communication in a special situation, sending us a precious lesson:

Even Gestures Count

The Prophet was talking to a group of notable tribal leaders attempting to win them over, when a blind man, named Abdullah ibn Umm Maktoum, came to him with some questions.

Trying to focus all his attention on the potential allies, the Prophet frowned in concentration and looked away from Abdullah and towards his audience. The blind man couldn't see his frowning face or his annoyed body language, yet God blamed His Messenger for transmitting a negative non-verbal message.

[He frowned and turned away, Because there came to him the blind man. (`Abasa 80:1-2)

We can't transmit an emotion sincerely unless our body language is consistent with the words. Try it yourself: face a mirror and try to sound cheerful saying ‘good morning’ while your face is frowning. You can’t. If you don’t want to hear a frown in your voice, you must actually smile so that your voice would sound friendly.

Now, can you imagine how the Prophet’s voice would’ve sounded if he had spoken to his blind companion while he was frowning and turned away? The blind man would’ve certainly heard the annoyance in the Prophet’s voice, which would generate negative feelings, and create a barrier to effective communication with a sincere friend.

In addition, the group of leaders the Prophet was focused on were right there watching the interaction; if The Prophet had talked negatively to the blind man, this would have been an indirect negative message to them. This would have discouraged them from forming positive ideas about Islam, which would in result defeat the purpose of the whole communication process.

Because of the deep insights gained from this incident, the Prophet always smiled at that blind man saying, "Welcome to whom my Lord has blamed me" (Al-Qurtubi)

Later, the Prophet's wife Aisha while talking about another woman, pointed with her hand to indicate that she was too short. The Prophet told her, "You have said a word that if mixed with the water of the sea it would spoil it!" (Abu Dawud ) He called her simple gesture a 'word' and warned her it was so destructive that it could spoil a sea.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

A smile and an open posture are well understood 'words' in a universal code.

How often do we use facial expressions or gestures publicly in a sarcastic or mocking way, mindless of their destructive effects on our image and on our communication with others?

These stories teach us to mind our body language as much as our verbal language, above all because God is watching, also because others may evaluate us. and even our entire nations or cultures based on our public conduct.

At any given moment, imagine that someone may be evaluating how you talk to your spouse in a shopping mall, how you treat an elderly on the train, or what you do with your friends in the street.

If you want to be perceived as a nice person, do it all the time, with all your being, even when you think no one is looking. A smile and an open posture are well understood 'words' in a universal code.

So even if you don’t speak a word of someone’s language, remember that is only 30 percent of your tools, you still have much more to make sure they ‘listen’ to your friendly thoughts with their eyes.

The Prophet Muhammad was sent to a nation of brilliant orators, people whose main interest was words, yet he added a deeper dimension to eloquent words, which is eloquent silence, where refined actions do the talking.


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Sahar Elnadi Holds a BA in ancient history and culture from Cairo University. Worked in many people-related careers in parallel, including presenting public events and TV programs; instructing training courses in communication, thinking skills and cross cultural issues.Long experience in the dynamics of multinational e-communities on the internet, with award winning online projects since 1998.

:: Prophet Muhammad's Communication Skills Part 1::

Assalam Alaikum!!!

This is the updated post, with easier reading fonts than previous post. Content is the same, just that I did a nicer job in arrangement in this updated post! =D haa~ I am such a perfectionist!

Anyway, Allah(SWT) is surely guiding me with things I am reading~ Just one day when I am browsing the internet, this article caught my eye! Alhamdulliah!!! He is giving my knowledge! This is something which I need in preparing for breaking the news to my family that I am a muslim!

Yay!!! =) Just gotta read and understand and try to implement into my "plan"! yoOoohoOoo! Insha'Allah, hope my family will understand me! =)

W'salam,

Khadijah C.

We Are All in the Same Boat

Prophet Muhammad's Communication Skills (Part 1)
Taken from http://www.readingislam.com/servlet/Satellite?c=Article_C&cid=1199279880239&pagename=Zone-English-Discover_Islam/DIELayout

By Sahar El-Nadi
Consultant and Writer

Communicating with others is a value that we need to use more often and Prophet Muhammad can be the example we need. 

The ability to communicate with one another is a precious gift God gave humans. It’s amazing to be able to turn our thoughts, feelings, and ideas into different codes we could transmit to others and receive feedback through our different senses; thus enabling us to learn, teach, and interact with others in our communities, as well as with the universe at large.

Through these same codes of communication, God would also communicate His presence and His messages to people -through special envoys- in order to guide them and lead them to safety until the end of their journey of life.

In every era of history, special individuals from among the people alive at that time were chosen to transmit His messages, those were the messengers of God, may peace be upon them all.

As Prophets, they need to be able to listen as effectively as they talk. Their role as communication mediators, concerned with delivering precise messages from The One God to their nations required exceptional communication skills: they had to be very eloquent in language and knowledgeable in local culture in order to deliver exceptional orations; physically attractive charismatic leaders to command respect and attention during their presentations.

They should be well-mannered to inspire listeners as live examples of their message; skilled at using emotional intelligence to choose their timing, content, and adjust their emotions according to each situation.

In addition to empathy, wisdom, and patience to be able to listen as effectively as they talk, and to see things from their audience’s perspective in order to offer appropriate solutions.

Mission Impossible

From among God’s messengers, Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, was chosen for a monumental task: to deliver God’s message to all mankind until the end of time.

So, not only was he commanded to inform his own people in his geographical environment during his lifetime, but his mission stretched to include communicating with every human, in every corner of the world, from the day he was chosen as a Prophet to the very last day on this earth.

When I think about this impossible communication situation, I immediately remember one of the first verses of the Quran revealed to him at the start of his mission:

{We shall send down to you a weighty Message} (Al-Muzzammil, 73:5)

And indeed it was a weighty message, not just in its great content, but also in the immense communication skills required to deliver it thoroughly to a never-ending line of diverse audience, spanning numerous eras and places, through barriers of time, culture, and whatever unimaginable changes human progress would bring.

The Prophet Muhammad's mission stretched to include communicating with every human, in every corner of the world. Today, Islam is the fastest growing religion on earth, with followers approaching two billion people. It’s astonishing to see Muhammad, peace be upon him succeed in this mission, despite the colossal hurdles.

We can’t help but wonder: what are the communication skills that this unique man possessed which qualified him for the honor -and agony-of this ‘mission impossible’?

I’d like to explore with you in this series of articles different aspects of his style of communication; perhaps we could improve our daily lives wherever we live in God’s vast world.

We Are Together On This

As a timeless example for mankind, Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, had six main spheres of communication working in parallel all the time: the first sphere was his connection with God; then with his family; his companions, the Muslim community; his enemies; and the rest of the world. He managed to handle all of them successfully with astounding skill.

In today’s fast paced material world, we sadly watch those spheres morphing together and rapidly shrinking to include only our immediate needs, worries, and ambitions.

In our race for more possessions and personal success, we feel we don’t have time for others, so we connect with them less, and focus on ourselves more.

The result is a world on the verge of destruction because of an increasing number of selfish humans, who communicate less, care less, and take more than their share of everything, even clean air to breathe.

To regain its balance, the world needs more people who are in touch with humanity and with the universe; whose focus includes the wellbeing of others, of the environment, and of the future, whose perception of our world as one unit makes them care for humanity as one nation.

Recognizing that if the ice sheet in Greenland melts, the Nile Delta in Egypt drowns, and if the ozone layer is damaged in the US, more people suffer skin cancer in Australia, because although we may live far apart, we’re actually all "in the same boat". Yet, to be able to turn the tide, such good people need to communicate their values to the world urgently and effectively.

The Art of Analogies

This exact situation was one of Prophet Muhammad’s challenges. Amidst the corruption of the world he was brought into, it wasn’t enough to preach directly, he needed exceptionally effective communication to change paradigms decisively and quickly in order to change the world in one lifetime. So, sometimes he used analogies to illustrate concepts. The Prophet -peace be upon him- said:

"The example of those abiding by God's rules in comparison to those who violate them is like people who drew lots for their seats in a ship. Some of them got seats in the upper deck, and the others in the lower. When the ones below needed water, they had to go up to bring it (which troubled the others), so they said, ‘Let us make a hole in our share of the ship to get water and save those above us from trouble’. If the people in the upper deck left the others do what they had suggested, all the people of the ship would be destroyed, but if they prevented them, both parties would be safe." (Bukhari)

This simple analogy gives us a vivid mental picture to remember and reflect on. It drives in a deep lesson with minimal effort yet with lasting effects. It even gives us a creative idea for communicating an important concept visually to children in order to raise awareness for the future of our environment.

One of my Muslim friends in a Western country complained that kids in her neighborhood are constantly misbehaving, to the extent of spray-painting obscenities on walls. She was wondering if it’s worth it to try to improve the situation, or is it enough to protect her own kids from mixing with their peers and focus on her own home rather than trying to improving the community.

Reflecting on the boat parable, I suggested she involves the parents and the local Imam in her area to get all the kids (both innocent and guilty) to clean and repaint the wall together, then invite everyone to attend a fun sketch derived from the hadith.

we need to explain how we’re all passengers on the same ship, and that if each of us thinks of their local community as this ship, with some people on the ‘top deck’ (i.e. with more knowledge and faith, and consequently better manners and social responsibility) and some people on the ‘lower deck’, then we would proactively join hands to gently educate the less fortunate, and try persistently to ‘save the boat’.

With yet simple- communication, Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, sent us a timeless, universal, multi-cultural message, for young and old, men and women, educated and illiterate, urging us to look outside ourselves, combat our indifference, stretch our attention outside our doorsteps, and get up and make a difference, recognizing that we must not let the wrong-doers take advantage of our beautiful world.

:: A different kind of love story ::

AssalamAlaikum,

Wew! Another story to share~

And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirun (the patient).

( سورة البقرة , Al-Baqara, Chapter #2, Verse #155)

W'salam,
Khadijah C.

A different kind of love story

(Taken from http://saudilife.net/component/content/article/44-jeddah/179-a-different-kind-of-love-story.html#comment-7)

Faraz Omar
Thursday, 18 February 2010 23:34



JEDDAH -- The love between an Islamic preacher with special needs and a Holy Qur'an teacher has turned into marriage.

The touching story began when Abdullah Banimah, who is completely paralyzed appeared on a satellite television program talking about spreading the message of Islam in several countries in the world.

When his future wife saw the program she immediately told her father about her desire to marry him because she admired him for courageously facing up to his disability and for dedicating his life to Islamic preaching.

Their dream turned true Tuesday when their friends queued along the road leading to the Al-Salam Wedding Hall in Jeddah to wish the couple a happy married life.

Abdullah had almost drowned in a swimming pool at a sports club in Jeddah. He had remained underwater for 15 minutes. This caused a great deal of damage to his brain which resulted in his paralysis.

The incident made him change his life completely by dedicating it to Islamic work.

Dhaiffallah bin Saad Al-Ghamadi, the bride's father, said: "My daughter, who works as teacher for one of the Holy Qur'an memorization schools in Jeddah, chose Abdullah on her own. After insisting she wanted to get married to him, I bowed to her will."


Dhaifallah said the reason for marrying Abdullah is for them to work hand-in-hand in the way of Allah.


Omar Banamh, the groom's father, said: "I have nothing to say but to pray to Allah to crown this marriage by blessing them with pious offspring."


He said he hoped Abdullah will see his children grow up with no disability.


Abdullah was ecstatic about his marriage.


"In the beginning I could not believe this was her desire. She really surprised me. I will never ever forget her noble stand and insistence on accepting me as her husband. I pray to Allah day and night to enable me to make her happy for the rest of my life."


He said he will never forget, for the rest of his days, the many people who had gathered to wish him a happy marriage."


Whew! What a story. Number of points there.


1. There do exist such people Masha Allah. The daughter, her father, her family should all be praised. Imagine yourself in that situation. Would you do that? Or would you allow your daughter to marry a crippled man? What about the extended family? She belongs to Al-Ghamdi family, which means she comes from the so-called "high society". How difficult would it be for people to disregard social honor and societal pressure?.


This is why these people are special, masha Allah. May Allah increase their guidance and bless them with good in this life and the hereafter. These are the role models of a society. They deserve coverage in the media. People need good examples.


2. Look at the zeal they have for Islam. Look at how this man's life changed after a tragedy. So the tragedy was the beginning really. A beginning of a journey insha Allah to achieve the eternal.


3. Despite all difficulties, if Allah wants to bless someone with something, it will come to you. Who would have thought a paralyzed man would get married in the first place? He not only got married, but got a wife who is Insha Allah better than many women.


4. Look at the noble way in which the woman approached the issue of marriage. She fell in love -- a genuine liking for the man and wanted to marry him. She spoke to her father and her father approached the man's family. This is so noble. It's the pure path Islam has facilitated for men and women -- marriage. At stark contrast is the lewd path, where men or women express their feelings to each other and fall into Haraam and illicit relationships. A slippery slope that pulls people down the pit of lust. There's no love, purity or chastity -- there's only pain, selfishness and desires that turn human beings into animals.

:: Homosexuals / Bisexuals / Transgender Pt 2 ::

Assalam Alaikum,


Just something more interesting to share!

W'salam,
Khadijah C.