:: In a relationship ::

When you hear hoofbeats think of a zebra

By Shems Friedlander

Relationship is divided into four categories.

Private relationship

You have a private relationship, one perhaps when you are standing before Allah, or when you sit at the edge of your bed at night, just that moment before you lie down, and you remember Him. It’s a private relationship. Nobody knows about this.

Personal relationship

Then there is a personal relationship, one hat you have with people who are close to you. Wives, husbands, family.

Professional relationship

Then there is a professional relationship, one you have with those people you see in your daily work.

Sociological relationship

Some people have what could be termed a sociological relationship, a relationship with society in the sense that they don’t even know whom they are touching. For example, a radio personality. He doesn’t know if anyone is listening.

When I looked at all this in a relationship, I ask myself why? Since my private relationship with Allah is the most special in my life, why do I spend the least amount of time in that relationship? And although I may invite some people from my professional relationship into my personal one, or even on a rare occasion invite someone from my personal relationship into my private one, why is it that the relationship that is the most important is also the one I spend the least amount of time in? And the one that is the least important, this professional relationship, seems to take up all of my time. 

So when I think of my life and how I spend my time, I look at this breakdown. Perhaps I can take an inventory and see what are the things I can do in my life to adjust the situation. For if I really believe that the private relationship to Allah is the most important one, and ultimately it does affect all my other relationships, why can’t I find he time to be with it more? I’ll miss a prayer, but never miss lunch, I won’t may my tesbih one day, but I will make sure to have coffee every morning.

Then I look at myself, and I try to see who this person is whose heart goes out in a certain way but whose body and mind don’t always follow. Part of that is because the heart has not been perfected as yet. So when I realise that my heart has not been perfected, that it needs more work, then I try to see how I can accomplish this. 

Because I know – I know when I feel good and when I feel bad. I know that I feel good when I am in dhikr Allah. Every part of my body knows. And I know that I feel bad when I overeat, when I am angry or filled with tension. So I have examined this, and when I am certain as to what things make me feel good and alive and a part of this world, then I can start to take an inventory and see what can be discarded from my life so that I can make room for something else that I know and feel is better.

Allah said, “I have created man for myself, I have created the entire universe for man.” How can we appreciate this universe unless we begin to explore it? And between that point of birth and another that will surely come to each of us, our death, there is a period of time that is unique. No one knows how long this time will last. We call this life. I wonder if we have the right to call it life. Do we live that life? Do we explore that life? Only those who really live that life, truly in every moment, can call it life.